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8/3/2009 Moody?This is a very common word everyone tells me these days.. Am I really moody? I believe being moody is a result of what life made me face the last period of my life.. Moments of extreme happiness.. Moments of extreme sadness.. Moments of success.. Moments of failure.. Moments of love.. Moments of hatred.. Moments of loneliness.. Moments of enjoying friendship.. Moments of enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.. Moments of missing the past and wishing it all comes back again.. Moments of being someone.. Moments of neglect.. Moments of stealing the lights.. Moments of darkness.. I could not divide the whole period into small chunks of stable periods.. Well.. Sometimes on the exact day, I pass with all types of moments.. It drives me insane.. It makes me moody..May be.. The point is.. How can you control your mood to enjoy the present.. Forget the unforgettable past.. Build a happier future? 5/26/2009 Time TerrorismWhenever you grow older, your time is no longer yours.. Yes it is "YOUR" time.. But it is no longer yours..!! Everything does take a little part of your time.. your job, your family, your friends, your goals in life, traffic, physical needs (sleeping, eating, bathing...etc).. The point is that each of these start to take a little part of time, then everyday your duties does increase, so that little part of time is growing more and more.. Until at a certain point, you find yourself fully occupied.. Unfortunately, duties keep growing.. And you become fully loaded.. At a point you have to compromise between the needs.. You eliminate physical needs.. Then family and friends.. You cannot eliminate work.. If you go on that way.. One by one, you will eliminate work duties as well.. Not because you stopped giving.. But because they are growing in a way extremely above your potenials.. Your powers are gone.. Turning to machines.. At that point.. You will be occupied by TIME.. Time took over you.. You no longer have yourself.. What a pity! 5/25/2009 Things I wish to do – cont’dThe rest of I wish series is now here :) 26- I wish to read novels; English and Arabic. Everyone of us has his own list of wishes.. We should keep on dreaming no matter happens around us.. and this is what I am trying to do.. :) 5/20/2009 Things I wish to doA million thing I keep wishing to do.. But I never have the time.. 1- I wish to keep hurdling and running I wrote down the first 25 things I wish to do.. They are a million.. May be in other post I will mention the rest.. 2/26/2009 Who am I?!This is the question that I need to ask myself. What do I do in this life.. Am I a good person.. Am I a good friend.. Am I a terrible person.. Am I a horrible mate.. Am I a role model.. Am I a failure.. Am I loveable.. Am I strong enough to face life.. Do I really live on my own.. Am I lonely.. Am I alone.. Am I who I think I am.. Am I who people think I am..
Who am I.. This is the question that needs an answer.. I need to know who am I so as to figure out what I really need.. To figure out an answer for every single question I am asking myself.. I need to think.. When I start to think.. I do not know why I always think negatively.. I remember my bad things.. I think of them till I feel myself the most terrible person on Earth..
Some other times, when I think positively.. I feel myself the most special amazing person on Earth!! Does this make any sense for anyone.. Well.. It makes perfect sense for me.. My mood is the main reason behind all this.. Whether I feel good or not.. Whether I be myself or not..
But the question which badly needs an answer is..
Who am I... What is the definition of "MYSELF"?!! 2/8/2009 It hurts too much..It hurts too much..
When you feel unheard When you feel betrayed When you feel misjudged When you are asided It hurts too much..
When the ones you love become so far apart When the nearest friends allow that love to depart It hurts too much..
When your brothers stop listening When you are always forgiving When you are over giving When everyone stop caring It hurts too much..
When you miss your parents When you miss your friends When you miss the ones you care for Even the way they looked before! It really hurts too much.. 2/6/2009 A little storyI opened my blog having this strange desire to write something.. I scanned my mind.. Subject after the other.. It's like turning the pages of a book.. One after the other.. I found a million thing I wish to write about.. But which one shall I start writing about now.. This was the hard question.. Shall I pick politics.. Country attitude.. Governmental issues.. Well.. absolutely not..! This is not the mood for a friday morning thing.. Shall I pick sports.. My old sports life.. Well.. yes.. It sounds cool.. Hurdles.. Running.. Speed.. Competition.. Beating time.. Wow I am already feeling the tense of the race.. Aaaah No! Again.. No.. Friday morning everyone is still sleeping.. laziness everywhere.. Not the right mood for sports issue.. Then.. Let's pick something about pshycology.. Well.. It seems to be a good issue.. Analyzing human behaviour.. Thinking about consiquences of actions.. Making up actions and reactions.. Creating theories.. But what shall I say about pshycology.. It's a very wide topic.. I can proceed in the relationships series.. I know that I still have a lot to talk about.. Couples together to be continued.. But no.. I won't go through this now.. Friday morning =) I don't know what's the problem with friday morning.. But it is a vain reason.. "Talkeek ya3ny"..
So.. pshycology does not seem to be the mood for today.. Then what.. I still wish to write something.. Shall I close this blog and surf the internet without writing anything.. Hmmm.. No.. It doesn't seem to be a good idea.. Come on... What is my problem.. I only need to pick something.. Ok.. I picked one.. I will write a poem.. A poem about.. about.. about.. let's talk about life.. ok.. Good idea.. Then let's concentrate.. Generate the first couple of lines.. Here they are.. And then.. thinking and thinking.. thinking and thinking.. Well.. Nothing written after the first two line.. The flow of words has stopped.. A technical problem or what! Think again.. Shall I switch that life topic.. Or shall I switch that poem thing from the very begining.. ! Oooh Nooo.. I've got back to the start point AGAIN.. The same desire to write something.. But no subject yet...! What is this hesitation.. !!
Well.. The previous two paragraphes are here to illustrate the abstract meaning of HESITATION.. I am not hesitating or anything.. I just wanted to show you how hesitation works  I could do it right? :)12/24/2008 Irony of fate...This is what I never believed in before.. "Irony of fate".. Is it really a true thing.. Do you believe in it.. Does it really happen in our daily life.. After years and years of thinikng.. I simply found it happening in everyday life..
Millions and millions of examples.. They are more than to be count or mentioned.. But they keep happening.. There are some few of them that I wish to share with everyone.. One of the funniest and strangest.. was the time that I found two "ENEMIES" getting married!! They were always fighting and teasing each other.. Then.. After one whole year of being enemies.. He told her that he needs her.. and they got married!! WOW!!
Another one... It is about a man who wished to be someone else so much.. He never tried to be that other person.. Above all, he never had a chance to know that person closely.. They rarely talked.. They rarely met.. And they stopped meeting for more than 4 years... But fate obliged him to be that other one..!! First of all, he worked in the same job, the same place.. He played the same sports.. He practiced the same music.. He even took the same courses.. And at last.. He got married on the same day like that other person.. Well.. Anyone would have assumed that it was organized.. The irony of fate in that point is that "It just happened that way.."!! He never tried to be that other person.. He never though how to be that other person.. But later on.. After 4 years.. they had a chance to talk.. They found themselves really following the same way of living..
Irony of fate.. When you plan for a certain scenario in life.. And you see a total different scenario coming up.. And when you think about it.. You feel it's impossible to happen.. But it simply happened.. Irony of fate.. It happens with me every single day.. And it is a meaning that really touches me pretty often.. 2/23/2008 I doubt..They look to me as if they were ashamed Why am I always blamed For sins I never made For words I never said For orders I may forget For things I do regret
Why don't they understand I always do my best I badly need some rest My whole life is a test I feel like an unwelcomed guest Will they notice me if I went west
Why do they keep loading me Why do I always feel depressed I am sick of the stones over my chest Whatever I do they won't be impressed They think I am a silly jest I wish to be a free bird in his nest
Will I ever find peace I doubt.. 2/12/2008 Days..
I remember when I was in school, I used to complain for the distance we travelled.. It was whole 20mins to get back from school till I reach home.. My parents used to drive me to school.. I did not face any problems to reach school.. But I considered it a long drive at that time.. Also, I had nothing else to do except studying.. I had no kids.. no work.. no training.. and of course no hanging out with friends!! I was a young kid.. But I complaint about the traffic from my own point of view.. I saw it a waste of time for me.. I could have played anything during these large 20mins to reach home from school!
Days passed.. I grew a little bit older.. I became in university.. I realized that what I used to face while being in school was nothing.. It was nothing compared to college.. In college, I had to stay there for more than 8 hours per day.. Of course not everyday, but at least 3 days a week.. I had to waste more time to go from home to university back and forth.. It took me around 30 ~ 45 mins to reach the university depending on the traffic and the means of transportation I am taking.. I was also pissed off because of the traffic.. Because it took me so long to find a taxi or a bus to take me home.. I felt this is a great waste of time.. I had to spend so much time in the streets.. At that time, I had lots to do besides studying.. I was training.. I was hanging out with friends.. I had some home duties.. And I always felt that this time wasted in the streets is too long.. I also felt that this is the worst thing that could ever happen to me..!
Days passed.. After four years.. I graduated.. I started to work.. This is when it became a real mess.. The 30 mins to get home became a dream!! I am now spending at least 3 hours everyday stuck in the streets! I have so much more to do.. I am working for at least 9 hours EVERYDAY.. Plus these 3 ~ 3.5 hours in the traffic.. I am supposed to be training.. I am supposed to go out with friends.. I am supposed to be studying for my exams.. Plus I am engaged.. So, there should be some little time for my finacee.. Of course there is one major fact.. Which is "I have to sleep everday"!! Do you feel that this is getting worse? I don't know anymore if this is really the worse that could happen or there is anything much more worse than this! I guess as long as time goes on.. as long as days passes.. Things are getting harder.. Time spent in the streets are getting longer.. Duties are getting larger and more time consuming.. But I have to do them all.. Sometimes I cancel some of these duties for the sake of others.. But this way I am taking over my needs as a human..
For instance, I reduced the training to once every one or two weeks!! I reduced the days to meet friends to once every couple or three weeks.. This kills me.. I am even seeing my parents living with me in the same house only on fridays.. Even sometimes I don't have this chance to meet them on fridays!! These habits are replaced with studying.. Working.. Staying in the streets ! At last here comes my fiance.. Sometimes I try to create 10 MINUTES for us to meet.. But can you sense the number!! 10 minutes!! WOW!! What a life!
Later on, I would say "Days passed.." But I don't want to imagine how things are going to get worse than this! Just imagine it when I am married, having kids and more work loads and even more traffic!! Oh .. I cannot even think about it.. Future is better when it is unknown.. I just know that whatever I face at this time.. It is better than the future.. Days always make things harder..
2/5/2008 Traffic
How come that we spend most of our lives going from place to another that way !! I cannot believe that my life became that way.. I feel that I have to choose between two things.. Either work what I love to do and stop having a life.. Or have a life and working anything which I do not like..
I am currently working in smart village. Meanwhile, I am living on the other side of the city.. I spend AT LEAST 3 hours everyday stuck in the traffic.. This sounds really nuts.. By multiplying this five times a week.. This gives around 15 hours.. This means that I spend one whole day stuck in the traffic! I am just stuck and cannot move anywhere.. cannot read anything because of the dark.. cannot sleep because of the noise.. cannot get out and walk.. It’s a 30Km way!! I am just stuck.. I think everyone faced this problem..
This is one of the major reasons for depression.. Wasting all of that time for nothing!! The worst of this is that I return home so late.. so tired.. not able to go to run or do any other social activity.. Simply this way of living is strengthening the fact that I am turning to a machine more and more..
I seriously thought to live the whole week somewhere nearby work and return back home on the weekends!! This sounds nuts.. But it is a solution.. I also thought to leave work.. But I did not find anywhere else having a similar position which I like.. I try everyday to make use of the time I spend on the road.. But I hardly can make anything of what I want.. It is hard to concentrate whether you are driving.. or you are in a terrible bus.. It has been so long since I last wrote anything.. It was always because of the terrible traffic.. But I will try to write again.. I wish to find something useful to do during these three hours everyday.. I have to figure out..
9/9/2007 DrowningLife is too hard for me
Life is an endless circle No more support.. No more help No more hands.. No more help
Don't teach me to swim on the land
9/2/2007 Lost
I cannot focus anymore 7/10/2007 Nothing is the same
The queen of masks..
The sea is no longer generous
The earth has no where to live
Humans turned to horrible beasts
Every single truth in now smashed
6/25/2007 FearFear of every single step
Fear of any movement up Fear of the coming days Fear of what fate says Fear of every moment Fear of any comment Fear of the feeling of love Fear of all relations you have Fear of listening to your mind and you prefer to stay blind from every clear evidence Fear of being confidence Fear of walking in the light Fear of clearing your sight Fear of your shadow All the pain you just swallow Nothing you try to change Don't you think it's too strange!! Why do you fear everything.. You have to trust what fate brings It is time to stand STRONG Say a loud NO infront of every wrong
A fearless world, that's where we belong
6/8/2007 I miss meMany sleepless nights
Uncounted overtaken rights Tears flowing like rivers Horror till my body shivers Life became a nightmare
Everyone no longer care As if I am no longer there Dark thoughts all they share I don't know if I do exist
Negative feelings I can't resist Optimist, What I used to be Now, it is no longer me I can not stand strong
My path is totally wrong Guide me.. Help me.. Take me.. Set me free
I badly miss my old me 5/4/2007 The Will
The will is a personality trait. So, it has nothing to do with genes. Any personal characteristic is gained or lost by time. Have you ever heard one of your friends saying "I will get the full mark".. "I will break that record".. "I will change"..etc so many phrases that reveal real will.. You could even see his target coming true! All in his words!! Some people build their will through challenges. They may challenge their colleagues, their teachers/coaches.. Some others even challenge themselves! And that last type is the strongest of all. Have you ever tried to put a target that seemed so far.. That seemed impossible.. Everyone including yourself ensures that you will never make it.. But you insisted to show everyone.. Specially yourself that you can.. "I CAN DO IT and I WILL".. This is the key behind every will.. You should start by building your self-trust.. Your self-esteem.. Your mentality.. All of the previous would be built through your mind.. Convince yourself that you can.. Did you know that you can achieve all your dreams by daydreaming? That's how you start convincing yourself that you can.. But take care not to drown in your dreams.. Building a will is not an easy task. Meanwhile, it is not impossible. If you really need to change, you will find that will. Let me give you some examples of real life. One of my friends plays hurdles. He was the weakest of all. His body powers were really weakest among others. But his will was higher than that of the whole team if put together! My coach always made me see his will.. I was convinced that he would eventually win whatever happened!! His will never degrade. Even if he lost once.. His will never change.. On the contrary, the loses he might face, made him build a stronger will.. I always learnt from him how to build my will. Another story was a girl I knew in high school. Everyone thought of her as a loser. They tried to convince her that she is nothing. They kept letting her down every moment of the day and night. But that made her stronger. She made a challenge. A challenge with everyone that she is not what they think of her. She was convinced that she is better than everyone else. She wanted to prove it. She was not selfish or over proud with herself. She was the kindest of all. Just most of the people did not want her to be better than them. But after months of work and work and work.. She was the first on her school. That was the most amazing will power I ever saw in my life. Finally.. Will power is a gained power.. Only if you want to have power! 4/26/2007 Not anymore
I can't bear anymore I can't live no more I can't fight like before
Everything makes me frown Everyone lets me down Every dream is now gone
Nothing is worth It's all getting worse I can't go any forth
I no longer can sleep All the wounds are so deep My feelings are not that cheap
"Cheer up!" what I used to say Now I can't even know the day All I can do is to pray
Pain is the new synonym of life I won't make it.. I won't survive Life is a real suffering long drive
Someone catch me before I fall I don't think any will hear the call I walk silently beside the wall
I can't bear any more I can't live no more I can't fight like before
4/9/2007 Have you everHave you ever felt down Everyone treats u as a clown Have you ever felt a stranger Have you ever felt in danger Have you ever felt lost Everyone leaves you burn Everyone leaves you toast They come to you and turn! Have you ever felt lonely Have you ever felt homely Have you ever had dreams And they never come true You see them easier than they seem But they never do Have you ever needed to surrender Have you ever needed a partner Have you ever felt friends' sting Everyone becomes in a ging These moments of passiveness we all pass by..
But remember even if "Everyone" left you, Allah is always with you.
10/13/2006 ChangeWhat is Change?? If you spent your life time in a cage If someone owned your heart… your dreams If you had a best friend… a soul mate If you had a habit Change is life itself Just change with the changes
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